The Neuroscience Behind Missing People
- 3 days ago
- 3 min read
Written by: Heth Joshi
Edited by: Fahad Hassan Shah
Missing someone is not only about emotions; it is biological to a certain extent. Ever had a moment in the crowd where your best friend is not there to finish your inside joke? Or have you ever missed your partner because your thought seems “incomplete” without them? In this article, we will explore the neuroscience behind these feelings.
Studies have discovered that waves such as alpha and theta waves are synchronized between individuals in a social setting (Fischer et al., 2018). This could be neural synchrony or interbrain synchrony (Stephens et al., 2010). The concept suggests that there is a synchrony of waves, as observed using electroencephalography, between the speaker and listener for successful communication. This explains why you may feel deeply connected to some speakers while you are paying attention, whereas you might find others to be quite boring.
In a romantic context, or even in a close-knit friend group, one might explore the concept of transactive memory, where memory is stored collectively in a “memory bank” of sorts (Wegner, 1987). Hence, if you discuss certain topics with new individuals, there is a baseline gap, or you may feel like your sentences are incomplete because the person who usually completes them is not present.
You may have also noticed how the closer you are to someone, the easier it is for you to predict their behavior (Bem & Funder, 1978). Our brain does not like surprises and loves predictive patterns (Van Berkum, 2010). So when this prediction pattern does not feel complete, and the loop remains open, we find ourselves contemplating: what exactly is missing? When the prediction does not match up or the thought remains incomplete, it might feel hurtful because your brain is experiencing a “social prediction error” (Sun & Yu, 2014).
Missing someone has been described as a biological drive similar to that of craving food. The dorsal raphe nucleus (the largest cluster of serotonin-producing neurons in the brainstem) shifts from its baseline state of when that individual was present. The anterior cingulate cortex compares the solo state to the high-level state of when the individual is present (Matthews et al., 2016). Once this feeling is triggered, you might find yourself back in this state often. The default mode network (DMN) reorganizes past conversations and processes the absence or loss in your free time, which is the time you use to ponder, think, or be creative (Meyer, 2019). It has been argued that the neurobiological basis of missing someone to whom you had a deep attachment is similar to that of addiction. The lack of shared dopamine and serotonin similarly leaves the DRN in a void state.
It is always interesting to see how neuroscience applies to daily life - the mundane things, the happiness, and the pain of connection. That is exactly what this article aimed to explore in its discussion of the neuroscience behind missing people.
References
Bem, D. J., & Funder, D. C. (1978). Predicting more of the people more of the time: Assessing the personality of situations. Psychological Review, 85(6), 485–501. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.85.6.485
Fischer, N. L., Peres, R., & Fiorani, M. (2018). Frontal alpha asymmetry and theta oscillations associated with information sharing intention. Frontiers in Behavioral Neuroscience, 12, 166. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnbeh.2018.00166
Matthews, G. A., Nieh, E. H., Vander Weele, C. M., Halbert, S. A., Pradhan, R. V., Yosafat, A. S., Glober, G. F., Izadmehr, E. M., Thomas, R. E., Lacy, G. D., Witten, I. B., Warden, M. R., & Tye, K. M. (2016). Dorsal raphe dopamine neurons represent the experience of social isolation. Cell, 164(4), 617–631. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cell.2015.12.040
Meyer, M. L. (2019). Social by default: Characterizing the social nature of the resting brain. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 28(4), 380–386. https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721419857759
Stephens, G. J., Silbert, L. J., & Hasson, U. (2010). Speaker–listener neural coupling underlies successful communication. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, 107(32), 14425–14430. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1008662107
Sun, R., & Yu, R. (2014). The feedback related negativity encodes both social rejection and explicit social expectancy violation. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 8, 581. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2014.00581
Van Berkum, J. J. (2010). The brain is a prediction machine that cares about good and bad-any implications for neuropragmatics?. Italian Journal of Linguistics, 22, 181-208.
Wegner, D. M. (1987). Transactive memory: A contemporary analysis of the group mind. Arab Psychology Database. https://db.arabpsychology.com/transactive-memory-2/
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